Surviving The First Semester of College - A Guide For Parents

Your child's first semester at college can be a challenge - not only for him, but also for you! Here are some tips for weathering that first semester away.

Start early - don't wait until the last week to think about the clothing and supplies your student will need, and don't wait until the last week to communicate everything you feel the need to tell your fledgling teen.

Stay in touch - but let your child lead, if possible.
Do make your expectations for communication clear -- whether your minimum is a phone call a week or an e-mail every other day.
Know that your home life will change.
Whether or not you still have children at home, the downsizing of your household will have ripple effects on all of you. Your relationships with each other will change.

Acknowledge this fact, and be patient as you come to a new equilibrium.
Then be prepared for it to shift again when your child comes home for break! Help your family stay connected. If you have other children, help them to stay in touch with your college student.
If your child is an "only," help her stay connected to cousins, grandparents, and friends.
Send cards, care packages, or e-mails frequently to let your child know you are thinking of him without intruding on his life.
Plan at least one visit to campus, if at all feasible.

You'll get to see a side of your student you won't see at home.
But wait several weeks into the semester, even if you're close by.

Give your child a chance to settle in and make friends.

Be prepared for drama - your child may call you one day, completely stressed out and not sure they can take any more, and by the next day (or two) may be fine. So be alert to your child's mental condition, but don't jump to conclusions. And be prepared for your own emotions to waver from day to day and to be a bit more unsettled than usual.

Get your child's roommates' phone cell numbers, so you have someone to check in with if you haven't been able to reach your child.
And give them yours, in case of emergency.

Encourage your child to stay at college on some weekends.

It can be tempting to bring him home if you live close by. But hanging out is a time honored way to meet new people and make new friends. Discuss a spending budget, and review it at least monthly to see if adjustments are necessary on either end. Some things will cost more than you thought, others less.

Some kids have an easier time with budgeting than others.

Remember that your child is learning to be independent. And just like when he learned to walk, he will sometimes fall - it is part and parcel of how we learn.

Support his learning by letting him fall - and equally importantly, acknowledging his growth and successes Be gentle with yourself.
You are learning too.
You are learning how to parent a mostly-independent child, and you are learning how to stay connected without seeing your student daily.
Your are also learning how to give up your "baby." As you have been from that first step he took. College can be a rewarding time for both of you. You may be amazed at the maturity your student acquires in his first semester away - even while making some missteps (or perhaps because of them).
Celebrate this time. Celebrate your child's independence - and your own.